When we are distracted by the hustle and bustle of life, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves amidst the chaos. However, there lies a profound journey waiting to be embarked upon—the journey of self-awareness. Self-awareness is not just knowing who we are on the surface; it's about delving deep into the depths of our being, understanding our emotions, and patterns of behavior. This journey of self-discovery leads us to greater clarity, authenticity, and fulfillment in life.
Understanding Self-Awareness At its core, self-awareness is the ability to introspect and recognize our thoughts, feelings, and actions without judgment. It involves being attuned to our strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, and how they shape our experiences and interactions with the world. Self-awareness is a skill that can be developed over time through practices such as mindfulness, reflection, and seeking feedback from others. The Benefits of Self-Awareness The benefits of self-awareness are far-reaching and profound. When we are self-aware, we are better equipped to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace. We become more adept at managing our emotions and stress, which leads to improved mental and emotional well-being. Individuals who are self-aware tend to have healthier relationships, as they are better able to communicate their needs and boundaries while understanding and respecting the boundaries of others. Cultivating Self-Awareness Cultivating self-awareness is an ongoing journey that requires dedication and practice. One of the most effective ways to develop self-awareness is involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Journaling is also a powerful tool that allows us to explore our thoughts and emotions in a safe and non-judgmental space. Embracing Vulnerability A crucial aspect of self-awareness is the willingness to embrace vulnerability. It takes courage to confront our fears, insecurities, and imperfections, but doing so is essential for personal growth and development. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to deeper connections with others and foster a greater sense of authenticity and belonging. The Journey Continues Self-awareness is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and growth. As we continue on this journey, we must remain open to new experiences, insights, and perspectives. We must cultivate a mindset of curiosity and compassion toward ourselves and others, recognizing that we are all imperfect beings striving to become the best versions of ourselves. In conclusion Self-awareness is a journey worth embarking upon—a journey that leads to greater clarity and fulfillment in life. By cultivating self-awareness, we unlock the door to our true selves and discover the limitless potential that lies within. So, let's embrace the journey with open hearts and minds, knowing that the path to self-awareness is the path to living our most authentic lives.
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Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could start over and begin again? No matter what you do, it's never the right thing. Whatever you say is taken out of context and you just retreat into your own private world. I've had my share of those types of days and discovered 3 things that matter most.
Relationships are challenging. It’s not something we’re taught in school, and most of us have few, if any, good role models to emulate. Understanding the most common behaviors that damage relationships can be a good first step to having a relationship that lasts.
See how many of these behaviors seem familiar, either in yourself or your partner. These behaviors can doom a relationship to failure:
5. Assuming the role of the martyr. “Nice guys” and many women often assume this role. They mistakenly believe that if they sacrifice enough in the name of their partner’s happiness, they’ll eventually get what they need in the end. Over time, this leads to a level of resentment that can never be satisfied. Look at your past relationships and consider how many of these behaviors were present in yourself or the other person. By avoiding these common behaviors, you can give your relationships a much better chance of surviving and thriving. Take a hard look at yourself and make the necessary adjustments. Great relationships make life an exciting and rewarding experience. If you're in the unique position of having to maintain a long-distance relationship, then you’ll probably be expecting it to take quite a toll on you both and to test how much you really want to be with each other.
Being in a long-distance relationship is hard and it certainly does test your resolve, but it's also key to remember that you already have something great going for you: the very fact that you're trying shows that you must care a lot, and this means it's very likely to all be worth it in the end. And while maintaining a relationship over a long distance does take some extra work, there are a few things you can do that will certainly make it easier. Maintain Constant Contact Maintaining frequent contact is the single most important thing to do to ensure your relationship lasts across the distance. If you're in a relationship, it only makes sense to be talking to them in some way, shape, or form on most days. This might mean that you choose to call each other for half an hour before bed every night, or it might mean that you chat on Skype or Google Hangout every other day and text A LOT in-between. Such constant contact will ensure you both know what's going on in each other's lives and help you feel close. When you talk, you won’t feel the need to catch up. You'll be able to talk candidly about whatever’s on your mind. Even across the miles, you’ll still be a big part of each other's lives. Make Room Sometimes, you may have to take a rain check on that before-bed phone call, and that’s okay. It will help ensure that neither of you feels smothered by the other one. Even so, it’s important to make an effort to commit to the call as often as you can. Otherwise, you'll find yourselves growing more distant. Recognize that you may have to move some things aside in order to make way for this relationship. Whether that means rescheduling time with friends or quitting a hobby is up to you, but you BOTH will need to prioritize. A relationship should take up your time, and it doesn’t make a difference whether it's long distance or not. Be Fun and Spontaneous Just because you're not near each other doesn't mean you can't do fun and memorable things. You just have to be more creative. Perhaps you could have a romantic date night through Skype where you each get dressed up and cook the same meal to enjoy with each other. Maybe you could watch a move at the same time or meet in a chat room. Or perhaps you could make a surprise visit or send a surprise gift. Whatever you decide to do together, the important thing is that you do something. Make memories and keep things exciting, so you grow together. And when you do get the chance to visit in person… make sure you go! Be Realistic Remember that every time you meet your partner in a long-distance relationship, you’ll most likely treat the occasion as special and make more effort to do nice things. Try to remember that this isn't what a relationship is like when you live near each other or when you live together. Sometimes it's important to try and experience a bit of 'normality' together, so how about spending a weekend doing nothing special, but doing it together? A long-distance relationship can survive and even thrive. Take the time you need for each other and work in characteristics of the relationship you would have if you were closer to each other’s location. You might not be closer in miles, but you’ll be closer in your hearts. Have you ever been awaken by the sound of someone crying and realized it was you? Well, that was my experience this morning and it took me completely by surprise. I asked God what was happening and He wasted no time in responding. He began to tell me HIS thoughts and then asked why mine and His were not the same concerning me. I wasn't quite understanding because I know I have been following orders when it comes to anything He has commissioned me to do. Then He said, "Not business. Not ministry. But, YOU. Why do you think less of yourself than I do?" What? If you know me, you know that I love myself. Maybe too much, at times, but I love me...lol! So, I couldn't wrap my mind around what God was trying to show me. So, I just kept quiet and listened. Then God proceeded to explain, "You love you, but you don't VALUE you. You accommodate, compromise, and make unnecessary adjustments for everyone else except YOU! Why do you place a lesser value on your time and resources when it pertains to yourself? You secretly abuse you and cry to me to make it better. Your tears move My heart, but not My hands. It hurts Me to see how you underappreciate you because you STILL do not believe you deserve better. Yes, I know what you desire and hope for, but I have not done it, because you don't think you deserve it. Why would I give you something if you're going to wonder why I'm giving it to you? Sometimes a Father likes to give his children gifts, Just because. You have been faithful and it pleases Me. But there should be another level of faith with this amount of faithfulness." By this time, I'm so lost in what He was saying that I couldn't string two thoughts together to reply. I'm a giver and I like making someone's day a little brighter. "But what about your days being brighter, Daughter? Why do you keep your palms down after you give? I'm waiting for them to be up and open to receive what I have been trying to give you for a long time. This is not a selfish act I'm telling you to perform. Feel your hands. Feel the calluses from the work you have put in. Yes, I know how many there are because I count them everyday. I want to smooth those rough spots with what I have in store just for you. You deserve this and so much more. What did you expect?"
That was it! The conversation ended as quickly and dramatically as it began. So, there I sat, in tears with my thoughts and His words. The only logical thing I could think of was to go back to my life Scripture and meditate some more, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the lORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jeremiah 29:11, KJV). And now I wait in expectation. I often wonder why do our feelings get hurt and would equate these "negative" responses to an inability to handle the many issues of life or a weakness. Later, I found out that this is completely false. Reading over Exodus 20, I began to see that God experienced emotions(not a popular saying) the same as the masterpiece He created. He reminds us that He is a jealous God and warns us not to place another before Him. He doesn't want us spending(wasting) time on something(someone) that does not hold the solution to our struggles. Further, we see Jesus displaying an array of emotions: anger at the actions of hypocritical leadership, sadness at the death of Lazarus, disappointment at the disciples lack of trust during a storm, anxiety in the Garden of Gethsemane, and abandonment at Calvary. Seeing these emotional responses from God helped me to view hurt feelings in a more positive light. God designed these "negative" emotions as an internal warning system and a first line of defense to guard our hearts and minds against potential or impending danger. They put us on alert that something is not as it seems and to proceed with extreme caution. They are like the check engine light on a car or a smoke detector sounding off. The lights and sounds doesn't always indicate danger, but they do save lives. Because we have been conditioned to view the light or the sound as the problem, we fail to look beneath the surface to get to the real issue that caused the warning to go off in the first place. Even though hurt feelings may not feel good, they are still a gift from God. So, be thankful for the disappointments and embrace being uncomfortable, for a little while. They both could be saving you from something you are not prepared to handle right now.
I think one of the most difficult things that a human being encounters is the notion of faith and belief. Because of our human nature and the physiology of the human creation, we are created with senses. We are naturally inclined to hear, smell, taste, touch, and see. The more I mature in my walk with the Lord, I have been noticing that the natural senses are almo...st always subject to the spiritual. What I mean is that the spiritual life seems to be in contrast with the natural life (Galatians 5).
It's starting to make so much more sense that "faith" really is the "evidence of things not seen," and that a spiritually driven life is a life of constant faith and belief. Because we are so uniquely crafted as human beings, we don't naturally trust someone we can't see, especially when there is pain and uncertainty involved in our own personal story. When we've found ourselves engulfed and buried inside one of life's many storms, it becomes a lot easier to self-protect to avoid the suffering. My daily pursuit has been that of relentlessly asking the Lord for the grace to trust Him, no matter what my daily circumstances look like to my human eyes. Because we are human, we don't see or know what He does. We don't see the intricate crafting of our story the way He does. I'm discovering that I actually like being surprised and that the Holy Spirit loves to surprise us all the time. In time, if we can just stand and not look to the right or left, we will see how his hand has been spinning us on the wheel like clay in the Potter's hands. No matter what we face in our personal lives, I pray that we would be awakened to the knowledge and truth of the goodness of God in all situations. #AfterTheStorm It’s so funny how we say that we want God to have His way in our lives without thinking what that statement fully implies. I can remember saying yes to His will and yes to His way, no matter the costs. I was sold out for the Lord and nothing could shake me, so I thought. When the moment came for me to live up to what I had been saying, I threw a tantrum like a three-year old toddler. Here I was, at the climax of a shift in my life and my husband asked me for a divorce. Everything that I had been telling others to do when they were faced with a situation went straight out the window. There was no stop, drop, and pray or “stand still” moment. Oh, no sir, no ma’am! I was sick and tired of my friends telling me that “all things work together for the good….blah, blah, blah!” Good? What good was there in divorce? I didn’t see anything good about what was happening to me or my children. I was hurt, mad, and was in no mood for a scripture. All of those cookie-cutter clichés brought me no comfort. If anything, they angered me. I was angry with my husband for dragging me across the country to leave me; then I got mad at God for allowing him to do it. It wasn’t the divorce itself but how it was done. I prayed and cried, and cried and prayed, yet God didn’t intervene. I made a vow that God and I were going to have a face-to-face and I wasn’t going to leave Him alone until He gave me some answers. For three weeks I fussed, cursed, screamed, yelled, and cried at God hoping that He would show Himself and say something or do something. Yet, He remained silent. Who would want to serve a God that remained silent when it felt like everything inside you was being torn to shreds? I would. Although God had been silent, He still had me in His hands. Nothing that was done was to hurt me; but to mature me and prepare me for His use. Basically, I was a nut that needed to be cracked. Lol! Yes, the cracking was painful and I twisted and turned in the process, but He never let the “good part” slip out of His grasp.
Prayer: Father, I thank you for being such a kind and merciful God. I thank you for cracking the layers of hurt, pain, and anger to get to the good part. At times, I may not understand your ways but I know they are right and they are purposeful. Never let me forget that it was you and you alone that has kept me and held me through it all. I love you and will bless your name forevermore, Amen. "The Good Part" is an excerpt from the anthology I coauthored "Passion Unleashed: Bring Your Best Self to God" Available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Today, I spent the majority of my time trying to finish the last few chapters of my new book. I just wish I was more excited about finally bringing this project to an end. But, every word I type is like pulling a band aid off a fresh wound. I should feel a sense of relief that I get to write about my divorce, but all I feel is anger. I thought I was over it, but it seems I still have some unshed tears, unspoken words, and unfelt disappointment, frustration, and ANGER! I know why it all happened the way it did, but it still hurts. If only we would have gone our separate ways under better circumstances. If only, we could have remained friends after the fact. If only! I can't help but wonder if he ever stops and feels an ounce of remorse for the hurt and pain he inflicted by his actions. Does he lose sleep at night? Why is it that the person who gets abandoned in the relationships is the one who "feels" anything? Or so it would seem. I think my problem is that I expect others to feel, act, and think the way I do. If only I could ask him these questions and get the truth. If I was in his shoes, I would have apologized for the pain I caused. Instead, I got hurtful words and a few dollars that is supposed to make me feel better about everything I've gone through. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the financial support, but it doesn't make up for the fact that my life was turned upside down. How did he get to move on to the next while I get to take what pieces he left unscathed and rebuild? If only God would have allowed me to do the same. But, my assignment is here in this place of oneness. If only I could get a glimpse of what was waiting for me afterwards. If only.
"Hurt people hurt people." This is a phrase that I used to believe was true until I became a part of the "hurt people" crew. Once I allowed God to heal me of my hurt, He began to show me that being hurt had nothing to do with why I hurt others. Being hurt was just an EXCUSE to act out what I was experiencing on the inside. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks because there are billions of "hurt people" who DO NOT hurt others. So, what makes them different from those of us who do/did? Well, I'm glad you asked...lol! There are actually two answers to this question...
1. They DON'T want to hurt others. 2. They dealt with their hurt. Let's deal with the first answer. The Bible says that "life and death are in the power of the tongue"(paraphrased). So, this tells me that I have a choice to either speak life or death. When we are hurting we speak, act, think, and behave in a hurtful manner. Everything is coming from a hurtful place that we have not allowed God (or whatever is your higher power) to come in and heal. And then we feel horrible once the tantrum(yes..lol) has passed. By then, we have disrespected, torn down, and wreaked havoc on someone's self-esteem. The second answer is very significant in this grand scheme of hurt. When we don't deal with our issues, they become infected and septic. Now, are we not only hurting others, we are infecting them and spreading a toxic "hurt" pandemic. Now they're hurt and the cycle continues. This is why it is so important to get HELP for your hurt. Furthermore, DO NOT seek advice or comforting from someone else that's in the same hurtful condition that you are. At the end of the day, hurt people don't hurt people. They ONLY hurt people who listen to them. Blessings! |
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